well holy shit its been a while eh? my bad all, yen well a whole hell of a lot has changed in in the last 3 months. me and tim have broken up gotten back together, im not spongebob at carowinds, and all my friends seemed to have ditched me. oh well. im dreading next skool year with a vengance. nothing is gonna be the same and im gonna be stuck pretty much alone in a sea of broken mirrors, never knowing what im seeing, if im seeing the truth, the whole person, the whole story, always having to doubt and be cautious. im mean most of the people that have deserted me are leaving so it doesnt matter, but what about the ones that arent i know they'll probably wanna pretend it didnt happen, but can i do that to my self? no i cant go back knowing that they can turn on me again if they are even really there.
on another note my dad got married. i looked hot i wore a black uneven skirt with a black satin corset that has two pale blue panels over my boobs with black lace over them, and it laced up the front with baby blue ribbon and i wore baby blue fishnet knee highs and black high heels. it was awesome - i hate my dads wife.
life is dragging by and i dont know what will happen next, all i can do is keep my head up and my eyes looking for something in the distance to reach for...
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:21 PM
***
well its finally over between me and tim i guess. it was mutual for those who care. im pretty tore up about it, but i guess it was for the best i wasnt happy and neither was he. oh well... and he says he doesnt want to be friends this time....which sucks.... gosh well i guess everything will be ok. but i thought id keep ya'll updated...
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:25 AM
***
Well things have changed alot since last time, me and tim broke up again hahahha, um i dated Travis Jones for a few days and now i date..... DUN DUN DAA DUN Jen Bower, haha i know what you're thinking..."wait i've been reading this blog for a while now and never have you mentioned liking girls " but yes i do, and heres the weird thing guys, i think i love her. ok i love her i dont know why everything about her is amazing and i cant stop thinking about her and she makes me feel differnt than anyone else. but i dont know if she does or ever will feel that way for me cuz well i just dont know.
Now i quote Buffy tvs epispode : the replacement
XANDER: Still, I do envy you sometimes. (Riley looks up at him) I mean for the sanity. Not that I'm still into Buffy. (quickly) Not that I ever was.
RILEY: (grinning) Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like ... it's like I'm split in two. Half of me is just ... on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. The other half ... is so still and peaceful ... just perfectly content. Just knows: this is the one. (Smiles a little, continues packing for a moment, then looks up at Xander again.) But she doesn't love me.
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:22 AM
***
Howdy all. well ok so i havent updated in a while. but i am happy to share that me and tim got back together on the 4th of march. and our 9 month was yesterday, i went and saw him, he got me a card and we sat around and talked and chilled and went to firehouse. it was just really really nice. we've really gotten back to whats important and worked everything out. the last month has been one of the best in a long while. and the last few days have been enough to send me into tears of joy. everything is going really good right now. and soon hes getting a car which is so uber beyond great.
we performed alex's play and it was a hit, and i got lead in crimes of the heart playing babe so that should be interesting.
I got a job last week. i now work at carowinds as a character. i make 7.15 and hour sunday through friday, and 8.15 on saturdays and they work me 9 hours a day, so needless to say im desperately waiting for my first paycheck, lol. for a first job, im pretty happy about it.
yep not alot is going wrong right now. i just wish i graduated this june instead of next. oh well. i will wait to grow i guess...
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:20 AM
***
yeh well looky here a month has gone by. and my life has gone to hell once more. for good this time i guess. well im sure life will be less shitty at some point. But tim has once again left me. once again broke my heart. once again broke the promise that hed stay. once again broke the promise that everything would be ok. once again broke the promise of a happy ending - all for good he says - or until we're in college and we still want US. oh well wtf ever im so pissed off. do you know how it feels to be sitting in a class full of people who never ever noticed you were in there, and then when you begin to cry they all turn around and come over to you and ask whats wrong an if ur ok. random ass people stopping you in the hall way to make sure ur fine. it sucks " my heart has been ripped out stepped on and smooshed away but one of the largest things that made my life unshitty, but other than that im peachy really" to explain the extent of this: the teacher that hates me most risked his job to give me advil, i bought an entire box of Girl Scout cookies, drank 8 dr peppers just by now, cried through 2 classes, and broke things in the others, i also made a parody to one of me and tims songs look at us now... here it is:
Look at us now ( heathers remix)
For all the times that we,thought we’d ever be,
You Fucked us baby,You Fucked us now,
For everyday that I, I had you by my side,
thought we made it baby,But You Fucked us now,
Though every night I prayed,I knew you wouldn’t stay,
You Fucked us baby,You Fucked us now,
Remembering the times that we made love so fine,
thought we made it baby,You Fucked us now,
Baby You Fucked us,
Everybody believed we would never be,
They were right, what the fuck,We were so in love,
" all’s ok in your arms",Baby I was wrong
our love was strong but You Fucked up now,
For all the times that we,thought we’d ever be,
You Fucked us baby,You Fucked us now,
For everyday that I, I had you by my side,
thought we made it baby,But You Fucked us now,
Though every night I prayed,I knew you wouldn’t stay,
You Fucked us baby,You Fucked us now,
Remembering the times that we made love so fine,
thought we made it baby,You Fucked us now,
Baby You Fucked us,Baby You Fucked us,
Baby You Fucked us,Baby You Fucked us.
Everybody believed we would never be,
They were right, what the fuck,We were so in love,
" all’s ok in your arms",Baby I was wrong
our love was strong But You Fucked up now,
I guess it was a dream, together you and me
You Fucked us, baby. You Fucked us now
through all the hurt and gloom, I feel impending Doom
thought we’d make it, baby. But You fucked up now
For everyone who believed that we could never be
You Fucked us baby. You Fucked us now
Now you have upped and gone, I knew it all along
thought we made it, baby. But you fucked up now
Baby you fucked us...Baby you fucked us...
Baby you fucked us...Baby you fucked us...
Baby you fucked us...Guess it was just a dream...
Baby you fucked us...Guess it was just a dream...
Baby you fucked us...Guess it was just a dream...
Baby you fucked us...Guess it was just a dream (dream, dream, dream)
I guess it was just a dream, one I was foolish to believe
You fucked us, baby. You fucked us now
How did you let it die, our love was worth the fight
would’ve made it, baby. But you fucked up now
through all you ever do, I’ll be there for you
though you fucked up, baby. You fucked us now
The story of a guy who gave up and let love die
Could’ve made it, baby. But you fucked us now
Baby You fucked us...
No im not bitter at all, why do you ask. Just so yall out there know - i do not regret what i had with tim, or the time we spent together - only that i did not try hard enough to pick my battles wisely or make him need to stay....
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:19 AM
***
Well yes the Last couple of weeks have been so great. I am so happy right now. Life is going so good. Me and tim are so happy and nothing can stop us now. nope nope. though we have hit a slight snag with his work hours, but thats nothing compared to the shit we've been through before - everything will work out just fine i know that, he knows that everyone know we will always be alright.
I thank god everyday that he blessed me with love. so many people spend their lives searching for love and im lucky to have already found it. YAY GOD!
\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:18 AM
***
Well im just gonna put it this way last night was the best night of my life.
Enough said - my business is my own
but a word of advice dont be uptight everything is better and funner when you can laugh.
**SMILE**
**GIGGLES**
I love you Tim!
\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:15 AM
***
Well celebrate for me my friends me and Tim are back together YAY. yeh well what happened was he kinda hooked up not had sex with but hooked up with this slut bag. whose like so fucking old that when he was 8 she was 16 is that gross or what? anyways and he felt so bad that he didnt think i deserved someone who would do that. he thought i deserved better. well we've wokred everything out now im glad to say. and everythings gonna be jim dandy. as long as he doesnt leave me or cheat on me ever again. other than that we can make it thorugh everything anything. yep yep you heard. \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:14 AM
***
Thats from the whistle song Tim used to always listen to. Well it finally happened Tim left me. gosh i never really thought it was going to happen but goddammit i was expecting it. I wanted so much for everything to be different. I pray so much that he'll see he made a mistake you have no idea how much i wish that. i just wish there is something i could do, but there isnt ive tried everything. and he cant be swayed. i just hope he realizes it on his own, cuz i dont know how long i can go on feeling like this. I wrote a poem almost 2 yrs ago the first time he left me and in mourning of i have revised it:
"Your Mistake" (revised)
The happiness I felt,
I could hardly comprehend.
And no matter what happens now,
I'll love you 'til the end.
It all happened so fast
It's all just a blur.
and I can't help but cry
when I think of how things were.
I know it will be the same as before,
my heart will break as I stare.
I'll have to watch you sit so near,
not noticing my stare.
'cause I know you'll forget all about me,
you've had another change of heart.
All my pieces you once completed
You have again ripped apart.
You gave me more hope and joy
than anyone could before.
But now my heart will bleed,
when you walk through the door.
As sad as I amI can't be mad,
'cause that was the best
time I've ever had.
You said that you were happy when I was around
But the loneliness you hate.
I felt as lonely but didn't drown,
I was willing to carry the weight.
Why couldn't you do the same?
Why was that something you could not do?
I don't know who to blame,
I guess I just wasn't important to you.
So did you mean anything
you used to say to me?
Were you lying everytime
that you said you loved me?
Was I really just your mistake?
Was I just a 12/ year ride?
Was I really just a vacation?
Did you just get caught in a tide?
Was I really just a spur of the moment?
Do you really regret what we had?
When you think of me, do you miss me?
Even just a tad?
I don't understand what happened,
I feel so confused.
I can hardly remember what your excuse was,
I feel so stupid,feel so used.
Now the loneliness is here full time,
with no happy thoughts to get me through.
Thinking of all the things you said and promised,
is all can seem to do.
What happened to the times
you promised you'd never leave?
The fact that I was stupid enough to believe you,
has got me really peeved.
We both know you hurt me before,
But you told me not to worry.
Against my better judgment I trusted you,
But you gave up in a hurry.
I feel so utterly useless,
I feel dropped and broke.
I have no idea what you're thinking.
Was this all just a joke?
Was I just a ball and chain to you?
Was this really all you thought we were?
Maybe that's how you see me,
But the way I see you does not concur.
Everything I see or hear,
Is reminding me of you.
Of things you used to say,
Of things you used to do.
I found that card you gave me,
I remember when you used your finger to write in my hand,
I can't watch my favorite movie,
or listen to my favorite band.
There are many things we had planned,
That I guess will never be.
No wedding day that couldnt be dampened
even by the longest rain.
No twin kittens, a boy named Ender
or even a girl called Violet Payne
You are my perfect medicine
and once again you refilled my cup.
But tonight you informed me,
that my prescription is all up.
its funny how even through everything we've been through history has repeated its self......why won't God let me be happy....
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:13 AM
***
this pretty much tells how im feeling today:
"All I Really Want" by Alanis Morissette
Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace mana
place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...
and this is just some more stuff from her that for one reason or another strikes a cord somewhere in me:
"You Oughta Know"
I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother
Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her
Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
"Forgiven"
You know how us Catholic girls can be
We make up for so much time a little too late
I never forgot it, confusing as it was
No fun with no guilt feelings
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests
I'll see you next Sunday
We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did
I sang Alleluia in the choir
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man
My brothers they never went blind for what they did
But I may as well have
In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son
I had one more stupid question
We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did
What I learned I rejected but I believe again
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven
We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did
We all had delusions in our head
We all had our minds made up for us
We had to believe in something
So we did
"Head Over Feet"
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
"Your House"
I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here, without permission
I shouldn't be here
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
I went through your drawers
And found your cologne
I went down to the den
I found your cd's
And I played your Jovi
And I shouldn't stay long, you might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
I burned your incense
I ran a bath
And I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said "Hello love, I love you so love, meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing
So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon
"Plastic"
You got a plastic name and a plastic heart
You can play the game or you'll never start
I'm talkin' to you
You got a plastic house and a plastic fence
Gotta look around or you'll lose your friends
Am I gettin' through?
You got a plastic girl in a plastic bed
And she's in your house made of gingerbread
And you're in there too
Got a plastic smile on a plastic face
But it's underneath that you can't erase
But what can you do-do-do?
Say Love-it's not that hard after all
(tell me what I want, what I wanna hear)
When everybody does
Say Love-it's gonna tear down the walls
(tell me what I want, what I wanna hear)
if everybody loves
You live in a plastic dream through a plastic card
But reality you don't disregard
You know that it's trueYou got a plastic goal in a plastic life
Gotta search your soul gotta make it right
And here's what you do-do-do
Wake up in the morin'
Some are not sleepin' tight
A matter you've been ignorin'
Why can't you just say it?
I Will not wait forever
Can't you see I'm right
I want you to endeavor
To tell me again and again!
"Walk Away"
A downtown cafe Saturday evenin' and the
place is about to be closed I'm meeting my baby
yeah and order my hundreath cup of coffee today
My hands are shakin'
At half past seven I'm sittin here waitin' for
my boy all alone for too long It's after eleven
yeah I'm tired of waitin' and I'm gonna go home
cause I don't need this
You never think twice before you break all the rules
you gotta be crazy if you think I'm a fool
[CHORUS:]I'll walk away and say good bye
If you don't want me anymore
I've got my pride
I'll walk away and say good bye
if I don't get the love we had before
not satisfied
He finally gets here I'm waitin' for him to ask me
why there's a frown on my face He orders a
cold beer he has an excuse about his car
breakin' down but I don't buy it
You're givin' me sometin' I don't need anymore
Just gimme the word and I'll be slammin' the door
[CHORUS]
His best intentians are never the same as what
he does of the end of the day. I'm feelin' the
tension yeah Don't gimme no reasons cause you
don't comprehend what am I feelin'
You never think twice before you break all the rules
You gotta be crazy if you think I'm a fool
You're givin' me somethin' I don't need anymore
Just gimme the word and I'll be slammin' the door
[CHORUS]
So tell me now Just say the word
It won't be long
I'll be long long gone...
"Can't Deny"
It's late at night and no one's around
And only my heart is making a sound
I lay awake alone in my bed
And I can't sleep should I call you instead
I think of you far too much 'cause you, you're one of a kind
I'm not like an open book
'cause I've got something in mind
[CHORUS:]
You know I can't deny the way I feel inside
I won't be hiding my love
You know I can't disguise you're always on my mind
And now I can't get enough
Give me love, I know that you can
I like the strength of a confident man
It's in my blood and all through my veins
You feel it once and you're never the same
Whenever I close my eyes you're there. I feel it inside
But why am I holding in my love, I can't tell you why
[CHORUS]
I think of you far too much 'cause you, you're one of a kind
I'm not like an open book
'cause I've got something in mind
You know I , you know I, I can't deny
Every day you're always on my mind
You know I , you know I, I can't disguise
Can't deny the way I feel inside
[CHORUS]
"So Unsexy"
Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could
Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated
When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?
Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:12 AM
***
" ARRRRRHHHHHGGGGGGG ,thar be pirates off the port stern bow mast" said by Tim btw - WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ANYHOW!!!! sorry i had to get that out
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:10 AM
***
well well well, surprise surprise he i am mad. ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING SURPRISED CLASS????? HELL FUCKING NO YOU ARENT! AS MY FUCKING PUPILS YOU ALL KNOW THAT TODAY WAS ME AND TIM'S SIXTH MONTH AND SO DID HE FOR I WAS AT HIS HOUSE THE MORNING AT MIDNIGHT WHEN IT WAS OFFICIALLY SO. AND WE HAD PLANNED TO GO TO THE MOVIES OH YES WE DID. TO SEE SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS WITH THE KIDS THAT LOOK LIKE US! BUT OH NO TIM FORGOT AND PLAYED VIDEO GAMES INSTEAD. But did you beautifully perfect teacher get angry - HELL NO SHE DIDNT! BUT HE DID THEN PRECEDE TO TALK ALOT OF NONSENSE AND NOT REALLY TALK AT ALL. AND REFUSED TO CALL ME CLAIMING HE WOULD RATHER TALK TO ME ONLINE BUT HE WOULDNT SAY HARDLY ANYTHING. THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAD BEEN DRINKING -OH YES DROWN YOUR SORROWS TIM MY BOY- THATS REALLY GONNA HELP YOU! AND SO THEN HE WAS TALKING ABOUT SOME FUCKING PIRATES OR SOEMTHING SO I WAS LIKE CALL ME AND HE WAS LIKE NO WE'RE GOING TO WALMART- ILL CALL YOU LATER now boys and girls your gorgously awesome professor would not stand for that so i rang him over and over until he answered and after finally getting him to talk to me and not that god damned roomate of his he was like ok we're going to walmart so ill call you back. and i said " no why dont you stay and talk to me. its are sixth month and we didnt go to the movies and you wouldnt call me and you were acting all weird." and he was like " well we havent gone in like a week ( which friends is a bogus comment since i know for a fact that he also went on tuesday to the said walmart with Ethan adn Steven) and we need food and a dvd rack" and i asked " dvd rack" AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID THEN LITTLE FRIEND????????? " WELL I WANNA SPEND TIME WITH MY ROOMMATES" WTF!!! WTF!!! WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTFWTF WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO I HUNG UP - BY ALL MEANS PLEASE TIM SPEND ARE 1/2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH YOUR FRIENDS -WHO YOU LIVE WITH- AT THE LOCAL WALMART well i guess i see where i stand
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:09 AM
***
well yep ok...so i ended up getting of the house tonight. still lonely but not bored. Kim got her license today and came and picked me up. we stopped by Tim's apartment. He was at work, but we stopped in anyhow and wished Ethan a happy birthday. and i got to meet his friend allison hes alwasy talking about. she semms pretty cool. although when she described her taste in women it sounded just like me, lol so i was kinda uncomfortable. but its cool. then we got bored so we left and got Taco Bell. we got there and the less pretty, more preppy and totally not as sexy and awesome as me Heather T. was there with Tabatha who looks kinda like a my size barbie doll, but oh well. and They asked us to sit with them cuz they used to be kims best ppl or w/e so we did and i put on the best acting performance of my entire career. had you not known any better you would have thought i was friends with them hahahahahahhaha - thats funny
Then we went back to Kims place and waited for Alex of the LaBelle variety who came and picked us up and took us over to Wills house. We chilled there for a while and did the norm. then decided to catch the phantom of the opera - being teh theatre rejects that we are. so we headed over to regal and crashed that joint, lol. The movie was soooooo good oh wow you have no idea how good it is. the only flaw is the ending, they kept the same crappy ending as the play. I HATE RAUL! he ruined everything i love the phantom i love him so much he should have got Christine not Raul and his icky side burns of doom. Even with the scars the Phantom is 80 quagillian times cooler sexier suaver and better than him.naw but i was broke so Will payed for me. He was being Uber nice tonight, i said something nice to him and he hugged me and was all like "you've just made my day" i was like OMG GET THIS FREAK OFF ME. oh well. hes really beginning to freak me out and then Kims all like i really do think he likes you. but iono thats kinda sad and disturbing. now its about 2:30 i just got hoem aout 10 min ago. and tims still partying doing god knows what with god knows who drinking god knows what. oh well imma call him tomorrow around like noon and see how hes feeling and how his night went. i prayed about it, so im sure god is watching out for me, please let nothing happen.....
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:08 AM
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well yes so here i am... that title fits pretty well. i havent felt as crappy as do right now since like march.... i barely talked to Tim yesterday and when we did we argued, the night before that i went to bed all early, and today we talked for about five minutes cuz he has to help clean for Ethan's birthday party and then he has work, then the party so i wont talk to him until tomorrow. and god only knows what all is gonna go on tonight. i mean who knows what kinda ppl are gonna be there tonight. all i know is that they're gonna be older and do you know what ppl in their twenties do? well they tend to fuck anything that moves.... and there is going to be excessive drinking since it's Ethan's 21st bday. so needless to say i am worried about that too.Tim and Ethan said i could come tonight, but really come on why in the hell would i do that, i would be so out of place there. a bunch of people that are like 4 years older that me all drunk acting stupid as hell. i mean that doesnt even sound like fun. alcohol used to be cool in my mind, i used to go to peoples houses just to drink and smoke and fool around, but ive matured ive realized how completely idiotic and moronic it really is. especially if its with people you dont know. So why does Tim wanna do it? cause he lives there thats why - hmph hes changed alot since he moved there. i really honestly thought that him moving there would be a good thing, but sometimes i wish he still lived with his mom. im counting the next year and a half til we move cuz im dying here... Gosh i mean i know i probably sound possessive and i mean you're probably right but i mean hes kinda the only thing i got. i mean i have my friends but the only one i've even talked to since winter break started is Kim and she works now, i mean i just sit at home by my self all day long and it just gets so boring and lonely. i feel so depressed. i havent done anything but eat, sleep, watch mad tv, and play the sims 2 since sunday night. and it will go on until probably tomorrow night at the very least. I'm hoping to drag tim to the movies tomorrow or thursday but who knows if that will happen or not, and then this weekend i have to go to my dad's house, where ill not only be alone but ill be alone with my asshole dad who cares about his whore of a fiance more than me and my sibs and her bastard children. so yeh life is not very good...i wonder how long i can take it......
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:07 AM
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Yep well Tim Moved into his apartment last Sunday.
We dont talk as much now, buts its ok, im getting used to it.
Im going there tommorrow so thats cool. i cant wait to see him yep yep
yep well anyways i just thought id step in and say hello
\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
12:06 AM
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Well i would just like to announce for those who care that my baby Eavan the rat died tonight. I can home around 10:34 to find her resting soundly in her cage. She was a good rat. I got her about six months ago a month after she was born, and she has been my baby ever since. We became very close and she was as loyal as any rat can be. She will be missed. We are going to bury her tomorrow after church. Your prayers would be a blessing.
WE LOVE YOU EAVAN
Eavan "the Rat" McDowell
April 23 2004 - November 27 2004
The Queen of Wonderland died at
12:05 AM
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Well yes so lets catch everyone up shall we?
Well yes tim did come over that saturday, and i did go over to his house that sunday. wow is all i have to say. i love that guy like whoa.
we performed Dearly Departed the other day that was fun, im so glad its over. Dyess wants me to try out for Carnival, but thats all up in the air right now. I am so in love with Tim, everything is working out, im so happy, the happiest i've ever been.
I now have my new and improved baby names list:
Girls:
Alice Aurora
Violet Paine
Boys:
Ender Kayd
Xander Roux
yes you know you like them yep yep
and my kittens are gonna be :
a little white kitten with red eyes named Entropy
a little black kitten with blue eyes named Silence
lol yep yep well anyways imma go now, lol \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
12:03 AM
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Well this week has been long and hard so far. I went to Daniels saturday, and went trick or treating for Halloween. yep yep so not alot, although Tim works again so the talking has been cut back but not enough to be a big deal. he still keeps me up all night on the phone. lol.
AND VIOLET PRISON IS FINALLY UP!!! actually its been up for about a month i just didnt know cuz my comp in gay. buty it has the video kid video and ringtones, and songs, and pics, and lots more, its great...check it out
yep we today in theatre i fell off the stage. During the black out i tried to walk over to my chair for the next scene and walked right off the stage i mean i just kept walking and landed on the lower stage about 2 and half feet down. it sucked. there was a loud crash and the lights came back on to reveal me sitting on the lower stage clutching my knee and laughing hysterically. i stood up and everyone was laughing and i was like " well folks our hypothesis is false, i am not Jesus Christ." lol which made them all laugh again. now thats me and Chels inside joke, im sorry Kim missed it, lol.
Tims hopefully gonna come over sunday, **crosses fingers**
and im hopefully goin to his house on the 13th **crossed fingers more**
well we'll see where the wind blows .... \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
12:01 AM
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Well yep yep, Tim should be home any day now, hmmm..... i cant wait til hes home and i can hold him and give him some serious TLC. the last few days have been stressful. full of test, getting skool pics, and report cards, dearly departed, my hair, every one hating everyone...blah blah blah... we performed Alice in Wonderland tuesday it went so hella fucking great, im extremely proud yep and it was all thanks to me. i have 4 A's 1 B 2 D's and 1 F nice huh? hmph, im in deep shit, lol. oh well.i dyed my sisters hair today. I cut her hair about 4-5 inches shorter than it was then died it red with black streaks, its tight as hell. I couldnt get my alice costume, so imma be one of my living dead dolls, the bride of valentine ( i call her sicky) lol yep i got this fake blood to go on it and its the most realistic fake blood me and kim have ever seen.anyways back to the Tim thing. I randomly burst into tears tonight at dinner, im so scared he's gonna come back all pissed off at the world and dump me...iono maybe thats dumb but im scared i love him so much im here for him, i hope he knows that.when he called last friday he said he be home in 5-13 days. 5 days was yesterday and 13 will be in one week. hmmmmm i hope he gets back soon. Im going to Daniels house saturday its gonna rock all hell yep yep. well imma go to sleep now....love everyone \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
12:00 AM
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Well all hell has finally broke loose. i left friday afternoon and went to my dads house, i had an ok weekend, i got my hair cut and dyed like a pixie it looks really cool, and none of my family pissed me off. well i got home i grabbed my cell to see if i had missed any calls. sure enough there was a message from a strange SC number. i pushed play and this is what played to me " Hi, this is Recruit Osmar. I am calling to inform you that i have been moved to the **couldnt understand this part sounded kinda like rsvp** Platoon. Simply im coming home in 5 to 13 days for Fraudulent enlistment and failure to provide proper medial paperwork......ummm....umm....thinking....okay bye" i was like HOLY MOTHER OF GOD HAS SHIT ON THE FUCKING SON OF CHRIST!!!!!! which of course brought my sister into my room to inform me that i said fuck quite loud and that Christ hasnt been proven to have had children, what a loser. then i paniced. i called up mrs. Osmar and told her what the message had said. she hadnt heard from him and she said she'd call if she found out something. Neither one of us has any idea whats going on. once we got off the phone a whirl wind of emotions pierced through me. I'm sad because he's going to be sad, mad because they kicked him out, confused about why, ashamed because i wasnt here to get the call, relieved because if i had i would probably have been crying on the phone and want to talk and ask him why and he would have had trouble doing it so uniformly like he did, and excited cuz he's coming home. THEN IT HIT ME - all those dreams i've had about him, all of them, he came home early. i was so freaked out when i realized this. i just sat on my bedroom floor crying not knowing what to feel or what to do. a mixture of so many emotions.... im still confused......i wonder whats going to happen now, i hope he's ok.... i love him so much....\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:59 PM
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Day 4 of Operation : Survive Tim's Basic Training Holiday
YAY!!!!! I GOT TIM'S ADDRESSS YAY!!!!!!! ....i hope its right.....YAY!!!!!
naw i called up mrs. Osmar and we talked for a few and i got the address. im gonna write him monday. i would send him a letter tomorrow but no stamps, and i wont be home saturday. actually imma write him gradually over the next few days and send it monday, lol. i cant wait. yep yep. well i miss TIM AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! yes im ready for the next 3 mouths to be over now, lol. as fun as im going to have writting the letters i wouldnt rather him be here, iono. I had another dream last night, while im on the subject. This time me and Chelsea were at celebration station for Kim's bday, and randomly Tim shows up. and i was like " whatcha doin back early " and he just looked at me and then he got up and left. hmmmmmm iono what these dreams are trying to tell me, but they're freaking me out. i hope nothing bad happens....hmmm...... oh well..... well i leave for my dad's tomorrow at about 5 so i wont be writing til sunday night so we'll chat then... nighty night \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:58 PM
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Day 3 of Operation: Survive Tim's Basic Training Holiday The Glass Menagerie is officially over HURRAY! in place of it we get an even shittier play, lol Dearly Departed has started up again finally. Oh well its gonne go all the hell anyways. yep tomorrow i call Mrs. Osmar and see if shes heard from Tim yet, him i cant wait...**SMILE** i wanna write him soooo much. Like one of them girls back in war time when their men would go off to war, hehe. I know its stupid. anyways my dad agreed to take me to get my hair cut on saturday when im at his house YAY. im gonna pixie cut it, bleach it, then dye it purple, im so excited. If it looks good im gonna keep it like this til Tim gets back. Speaking of which, i had another dream last night about him, but this one was a little weirder. I was sitting in service at church next to Chelsea, and Tim randomly walks in in the middle of the sermon and sits down on the other side of the balcony, and when i smiled at him and motioned for him to come over, he just turned awayed like he was upset. and then right before Katie did the carrying of the light thing Tim just got up and walked out like he wasnt supposed to be there. it was really weird. i dont know what was going on, i think its just me missing him, iono. i do miss him though. PS - HAPPY 17th to ANTHONY!!! \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:57 PM
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Well Day 2 of Operation : Survive Tim's Basic Training Holiday, has come to a close. Long as it was, today went ok i guess, I didnt have any classes. But we did perform The Glass Menagerie 5 times today....5...FIVE.....i now hate this play, lol. i can honestly recite the entire thing, all 4 parts all by myself. I wish Tim had seen it, i think i did a good job but iono for sure. everyone seemed to like it. Although during the third time an 8 ft. pillar fell on Snavely's head and gave him a mild concussion, oh well, he's alright.My mom got to see it, and Sharon from church came they all really liked it. And and i can say that i will never have to kiss Alex ever again- YAY. lol naw its just i dont think about him like that. iono, i blame the play though, that and that im in love with Tim....hmmm... I miss him. I had another dream about him last night. He came home in time for christmas and we spent it together and it was just really nice cuz his family was there, and my family was there, and friends and the likeable people from church were there. I hope its like that some day. \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:56 PM
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Well Day 1 of Operation : Survive Tim's Basic Training Holiday. Thank <> for Teacher Work days. It sure made things easier. I got to sit at home and binge on fatty foods and cry. I think it did me alot of good though. I just know i wouldnt have been able to do Calc today screw quadratic equation, i'll never use it anyhow. well Im really sad that Tim left, and you can tell cuz I dreamt about him last night. I dreamt that he came home early and we went on a picnic and made out by this really pretty lake. it was cool. i miss him so much. \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:55 PM
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Well lets start back a few days. Friday we went to the contest. yep yep. We drove all the way there to find out that Mac had forgotten the music so he and Dyess drove all the way back. the got back just in time for us to load up. thank god bye then Chris Reethmiller had sbered up a bit by then. We performed quite well. One of the judges loved us. the british one didnt. but they both seemed to like me. so BOO-YAH! lol then we went to CiCis then yesterday me kim Labelle and Dyess went back up to see the rest of the shows and for awards. We didnt win, the moved on cheap comedy - i hate that. yep yep. but i did get an award. out of the 90 female characters 6 were chosen for awards, one recieved best actress while the other five get honorable mentions and i got 1 of the honorable mentions. that made me so happy.
Well Tim left tonight. i cried for a long time. Im gonna miss him, i already do. but im so proud of him.... gosh i love him.....
\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:54 PM
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Yep well Tims shipping date got moved back a week YAY so i get to spend some more time with him. THANK YOU
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:53 PM
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Yes well that title doesnt fit all that much. i had conversations in my room today, but they werent plastic and meaningless - quite the contrary. and i did cry today, but not fake tears that i've had to save up for later. Tim leaves tomorrow night. Im such a reck. I like got sick a few times at church it was horrible. I want to be strong for Tim. But its so hard not to break down and bawl my eyes out whenever i think about it. we had a party for Tim in sunday school, that was nice. i dressed in red white and blue and everything. then Rebeccah the whore was all up trying to get my man, i was about to stomp her ass. She looking like a penny ho. she had on bright pink fish nets, stilletos, a tiny blue jean skirt, a tight pink shirt, and blue jean jacket that was a differnt color blue than the skirt and a puffy blue jean hat that was also another random shade of blue. and she was all like " come with me tim" and he was like " why" and she was all like "walk with me" and he was like " no" and she was like " do you still date heather?" and he was like " yep" and she was like "..oh.." HAHAHAHAH YAY GO TIM that made me happy, had he actually went i think i might have had a nervous breakdown in church. then we went to arbys with his mom and David hunter. and then we went and " saw " sky captain and the world of tomorrow. Of course i saw like none of it. I literaly saw like 5 min all together. it was good. yep yep. then we came back to my house and hung out and listened to depressing music and cried. Im gonna miss him so much. and i showed him my new prom dress, he really liked it. then we went to youth group where we had another party. it was lots of ...fun..... yeh thats where i kept getting sick. it sucked, gosh it sucks. this little girl Rachel like copied my every move for the longest time it was hilarious.
well tomorrow is the dinner with Tim and his numerous relatives. yep yep. then after that its goodbye until January. Im so proud of him though. He's gonna do so well i just know it. and when he gets back he'll be stronger in every sense of the word....i love him so much.....hmm........im gonna go cry now.....
\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:52 PM
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Yep yep , i haven't written in here in a while thats for sure. well last sunday i spent the whole day with Tim. We went to the movies and saw The forgotten, and we well... didnt see all of the movie thats for sure, lol. it really kinda made me feel like i got thrown in a time warp. Everything just seemed like how it was before. They way he smells and tastes it just seems like we never stopped dating that we've been dating all this time. Nostalgia is a bitch. it just felt so weird but such a good weird like Wow i remember this. I love kissing him, hell i love making out with him. He knows exactly when to be gentle, when to be aggressive, when to tease. just how to push my buttons. Then we came back to my house and we watched invader zim upstairs. and we fooled around a tiny bit, again with the niceness **wink wink** and then we went to youth group (fun....lol)
Tim leaves Monday night, *sigh* im going to miss him so much. I love him and i dont really want him to go but i know its the best thing so... ill have to deal.. yep yep. He'll be back like a week before my birthday in January. Im gonna write him letters every day. To show our support on sunday my church is all wearing red white and blue. Me too *gasp** yep yep and we're having like two parties one in sunday school one in youth group with a movie in between. its gonna be great.
We perform The Glass Menagerie in one week. im kinda nervous i havent been on a stage doing an actual performance in 3 years. and this ones a contest play. so it like means alot how i do. and we dont have much time. its cool to be the main character but its frustrating yep yep.
Im so stressed out with everything going on. Itll all work out. \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:51 PM
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well, Ross came and picked me up around 11 am, and we drove for like EVER, hehehe and then we got to Jaxx, and we were standing in this hall way and then the birthday massacre (minus Falcore who was somewhere in the club) came down the hall and i was all like " Aslan do think it would be cool if i got a picture?" and he was all like " yeh that'd be cool hold on be right back" and he got the rest of them and they all came over and Chibi was all like " Oh my gosh thanks for coming out this is so cool, and wow you got one the original shirts! and Rainbow was all liek WOW thats so cool that gives us hope and then Chibi had this on chick take a pic of me her aslan rainbow Rhim & ross on chibis camera amd then i got one too, and then we talked for another sec and i got hugs from everyone especially CHIBI i was so happy they are so nice omg, and the this band with a bunch of like 12 yr olds played and they rocked and then this band Dirt played and they sucked really bad but then the Birthday massacre played and they rocked all ass i was leaning on the stage and i got tons of pictures it was so great IM SO HAPPY YAY!!!!!! and then on the way home Ross kept like falling asleep so he was like you drive and i dont have a permit and i've never taken drivers ed but i did really good until i jumped a curb and nearly ran into a tree and then ross took the wheel again and i didnt get home until 6 am it was soooooooooo great.....
Tim got into the Marines, he's leaving October 11-12 im happy it happened cuz its what he wanted but im going to miss him, it scares me cuz hes leaving and bad things happen oh well we're gonna try and its gonna work.... yep yep
\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:50 PM
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yes well everyone congratulate me on once again some how fucking everything up.......yep yep......no i cant leave well enough alone, but then again neither can Tim, he has to keep on he cant just be happy.....yes well we argued for so long.....and it ended with him basically saying he's lost all respect and trust for me and that hes not happy and that im not happy and that he has more respect for my worst enemy that he does for me, then i start combing my hair adn i was pulling out knots and i kept saying ouch and when he asked me if i was cutting i couldnt say no tim im not, i had to be a smart ass and go " no of course not thats silly" so he told me to call him back when i got my shit figured out, of course it was like 2 am so that pretty out of the question.....
but it just hurt so much, i didnt care about being a smart ass......i hate that girl so much and like i was sitting there talking shit about myself and he never stopped me, and i was sitting there talking shit about blair barbie and he laughed but the moment i mentioned Rebekkah he told me to stop all i said was that she was fat and ugly and had bushy red hair that made her look like a little pumpkin and he told me to stop and that i shouldnt say stuff like that and that saying that didnt help my respect situation....WTF???!!!!????!!!! SHES SOME 15 year old PORKER UGH!!!!!! I HATE HER!!! I WANT HER TO DIE!!!!! and when i said something to him about how much it hurt for himto sya that he was like " come one is it really her fault??" AHHHHHHH i wish i had been cutting i'd probably feel alot better...............gosh i just wanna die sometimes, i mean it just seems like such a better alternative....i do all this stuff for tim, i mean all i want is him to be happy and i get nothing absolutely nothing...NOTTA....ZIP......i cant stand it UGH!!!! i havent cried as much as i have tonight since the first time me and tim broke up, in which time i cried for 3 days straight.....chelseas my witness to that........i just dont know what to do anymore......i wish tim would have called back..... its like 3 am and im sitting here all alone...depressed and crying and kims at labelles house and i cant wake my mom up..... i have no one to talk to........i just feel so lonely.......... \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:49 PM
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Yes, i know it has been a while since i've written in here, just know i got the part in the glass menagerie and me and tim have been fighting alot.....thats about all you need to know.....anyhow......the birthday massacre concert is in 11 days, im so excited thats somethign off my things to do before i die list.....yep yep......im all giddy about that.....yep well imma go \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:47 PM
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yep well so i went to the party saturday it was sooooooo much fun...lol Jenny is sooooo my dance partner, lol, yep yep and Snavely is like one of my favorite ppl right now..... YEP YEP.......TIM IF YOU READ THIS YOU BETTER BE GLAD I LOVE YOU !!! CUZ IM SUFFERING FROM HORMONAL OVERLOAD!!!!!and Ross said that he wants to go to the prom as friends and shiznit and it sounded like a good idea at the time cuz i was wasted and i keep thinking that Tim is definately leaving so he wont be here for Prom but he might so iono we'll see what happens i basically am going with Chelsea and Kim but i do need a guy for the pictures, lol cuz it would look weird if it was me and chelsea, and Ross is just Ross so i know nothing would happen so its like a safe thing. yep yep my cousins fiance has three dresses that she said i can have ones black ones white and the other is some color i forget and yep so thats gonna rock yep yep......anyways........Went to church today it was church, but rebecca got all Jealous at the whole tim thing ahahahahahah it was great.......shes sooo annoying i hate her soooooooooooooo much..... then we went back to chels's house adn watched SNL and her mom made some really good food, yepyep then we went back to the church for the end of summer party and Blair pissed me off so help me god i want to shoot that girl!!! but yeh well im home now and imma bout to hit the sack........\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:46 PM
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i made the play, i have a lead role which is cool, me and chelsea are gonna road trip up to virginia to see the birthday massacre in september, and my hormones are over flowing out of my body....i mean seriously i hate school, so many pheromones floating around that school, god im like suffering here man....IAT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! like walking down the halls some guy checks me out i have to smile and then look away, being nice, but not leading on......hmph im like suffering from makeout deprevation for real.........someone just shoot me now!! and then there are all my friends who either have someone they're dating and they're always kissing or are single and make out with everyone and im sitting here being the good girlfriend.....oh well.....i'll live im sure......man im like sooooo bored and shit dude like for real...... theres a party tomorrow imma go but i aint gonna drink alot, and im not gonna smoke any weed, and im not gonna get in on any of the triple kisses or anything......so imma just sit back and watch the shit as it unfold before me.............PLEASE LET ME DIE!!!!!! \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:45 PM
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well lets start from friday shall we??? well ok so here it goes. i was looking all cute wearing my slytherin tie with a school girl lookin outfit, dude i was like the ultimate Hogwarts student man it was great. then me and zach and kim went to Alex Labelle's house and we hung out with her and Andrea, then Mims came over and we ""chilled" and then kim and zach left, and the rest of us went to Daniels, ross was there and we watched Mims play BloodRayne for like ever, it was so boring, finally we started playing Halo, which as ive mention before is like the worst possible game for me too play cuz i suck at it, lol....we were on teams, and i kept Killing Ross, which would have rocked if he hadnt been my teammate, lol, then we went and got zach and kim and we went to Wills house and matt was there so we all hung out there. And then Jenn and Jenny showed up plastered, lol Jenn and Jenny kissed, then later Jenny and will kissed, not a good thing being as he dates Chelsea.....
So saturday i went to the mall...EVERY SINGLE GUY THAT WORKS AT HOT TOPIC AT CONCORD MILLS HIT ON ME!!!! espceially this one guy who like followed me the whole time, stole my purse, stacked stuff on my head, made a mess and blaimed it on me, then wouldnt let me leave, i was like WTF GUY??? then Tim showed up and his dad was there.... his dad is like the ultimate conservative, and we've never met before for that fact....i didnt know i was meeting him, so i dressed in this super hot goth outfit, and i was looking sexy as hell, but really un conservative thats for damn sure..so his dad hates me.....and i was already hyper and tim bought me gummy bears - big mistake, and DR. PEPPER!!!! anyone who knows me knows im addicted to the stuff, so i was off the walls, and annoying the shit out of him.....then we went to toysrus which was also a bad idea, since im such a kid at heart, and i was acting like a 5 yr old with boobs, lol....and i found this disney doll thats supposed to be a modern day cinderella doll, she had blonde hair with pink streaks and her clothes were modern and cool but they reminded you of the stuff from the old disney movie, and there was one for belle and Ariel too. and they all sang this little song, and when i pressed the button on cinderella she said " Look at my Cool Guitar, and these pants are soooooooooo blue" which made me liek convulse in laughter, i mean WTF??? these pants are sooo blue hahahahhahahahahhahaha, and then she started singing " do want you want, and be what you want, and where you wanna go go go" and so for the rest of the day i kept saying that and then singing that and when it got to the go go go part i'd poke Tim, hahahahahaha i was having alot of fun, then we took Tim home. and i went to Labelles house and we "chilled" then me and zach started playing HAlo and i was actually doing good and then tim called, and first he called me a bitch i dont remember why, and zach heard and thought it was the funniest thing in the world,adn then when i told him to hold on and i came back and was like Sorry, he was like "its ok im used to it" and i was like WTF?? you're like digging your self into a whole there hun and he was like " only to get down to your level babe" he apologized though and we got off soon after, but of course zach was still laughing like he was gonna get money for doing it, then he ran and told labelle, lol, we all had a good laugh, and then we went to mediaplay and like no one else was there except us cuz it was late, and we sat in the middle of the store where the couches and chairs are and looked up our dreams in this book hahahahhaa, then mims and will, and kenny and matt came and we went back to labelles and we hung out, then everyone left but me and zack and will, and of course alex, and we looked into this weird ass mirror thing Alex has and i started singing shit moving in it and shadows, its creepy as fuck....then i left.....
And now todays happening - but first let me say I LOVE ASTRONOMY!!! I ROCK AT IT!!!! - now that thats done, Well so the whole thing is like Jenn was trying to Help chelsea see that wills a bitch and chels told jenn she dumped Will, and will threatened Jenn and like Jenn called me all scared and like telling me that she cares about chels so much and all, and then today during theatre Will and chelsea started arguing and will threatened chels and jenn jumped in, and then will grabbed Chels and kissed her and was like" you've just been punked" they had been faking, they hadnt broken up, and it probably would have been ok had it been left there, but then will blew up at Jenn and said some really nasty things too her, and left her in tears and then Alex labelle was like "chelsea i've lost my respect for you" and chelsea started bawling cuz she was upset cuz she didnt mean for it to go so far, so me adn snavely and zach got up and walked away trying to hold our neutralism.....TEENAGE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA!!!!! lol oh well, i got in the play, dont know what part yet, and i didnt win the ppg contest, oh well. \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:44 PM
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Well i went to the skool for the 4 times this week.....my classes are better than i thought which is cool.....i dont remember any spanish, so im not doint too good there...oh well....Mr. Bennett is a hot mutha, Mr. McLeod is insane, completely insane, mrs caldwell thinks im an angel, mr. gerald hates me cuz im white and mrs blackert hates me cuz i talk to much... my pre calc partner would talk to me at first but i whipped out my folder to get something out and he saw the TBM bunny on it and freaked out. turns out hes a fan too - coolie eh? yep and it also turns out hes a math whiz so im in luck since im now on his good side WOO HOO!......and i mean the last few days have been alright, we got our "stuff", thats cool.....but i only get to talk to tim once a day in the mornings for like 5 min on the way to olympic....and he called me for a while today but his cell died ..its gonna be hard i know.......oh well... imma be in concord saturday, so hopefully ill get to see him..... i really really hope i get to see him..... well im tired as a mofo, i might write more lata..... \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:43 PM
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Well i go back to school tomorrow ...yay?....**cough**.....right.... anyways, me and my mommy went shopping, and that was fun i got stuff, then we went to open house ( my schedule isnt fixed yet BTW), then we went ot dinner, then we went shopping some more, then we came home and watched return of the king..... yep.....iowanna go to skool.........POO ON SKOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh well.... i miss Tim........im bored.....and lonely.....\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:42 PM
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YEp im sitting here at ALex's with andrea and zach, dude we got jacked like a bitch by this dude, who like took are money and didnt bring us our shit, FUCK MELVIN!!!! anyways, yep we had fun though and we went to the mall, adn zach let us do his hair and makeup all goth it was great, then we all came back here.... I suck at Halo btw, yep and we chilled then Zach started teasing the dog with a pillow and it got all pissy and shit and then we threw a 2 bras and a thong at it, and it like sat on them and was growling and like wouldnt give it back and shit, IT WAS SOOOO FUNNY!!!! dude but yeh im like fucked but not fucked enough, ALex has browies and they rocked, i havent had a brownie in like forever.... yep well we'll probably head over to Dan's House again when everyone gets back from the Linkin Park concert....LIFE IS GOOD!!! I LOVE TIM!!!!! \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:41 PM
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well today rocked to no end, ugh today rocked...... well my dad stopped by to get the sibs and slipped me a twenty for the mall, and like i took a shower and as i got out the doorbell rang, it was alex labelle and Mims, so i went up stairs and Tim called and i talked to him while i got dressed, then i did my hair and we met Andrea, Andy, Kim, and Heather at the mall, then we shopped, then we went to Mcdonalds, then we picked up Z and Zach then we went and saw Alien Vs. Predator, it rocked, the predators faces look like really loose vaginas with teeth, and the tiny baby aliens look like flying vaginas with legs, hahahahha it was funny..... then we went to Zachs house and met up with Daniel. Ross, and this guy who looks like Anthony named doogie.....Then we went to Daniels house, and met up with Jessie, michael redburn, this asian guy, Eric. then we played DDR which is like my new favorite game.....although ross, daniel, and michael kept like touching on my ass - their excuse : they were trying to help me win by helping hold up my uber long pants.....yeh right....then zach told my it was cuz my ass jiggles really nicely and they were all like drooling over it, and here i was scared they'd staring at my boobs...i was guarding my boobs so well i left my ass vulnerable......haha.......me and zach went with jessie to get more aquainted mary jane and everyone thought me and zach were off somewhere making out, hahahahah yeh right.....yep yep... well today was fun.....i miss tim though, i have this new thing the " be strong" campaign, i refuse to kiss or date anyone while Tims gone, can i do it? we'll see....im so scared he's gonna leave me.....i'd be so alone......i really need this to work.....i need him to stay with me... but im scared he'll leave me all alone.....God please let him stay........ \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:40 PM
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YAY!!! Today was a glorious day!!!! I RECIEVED MY CD!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! it is by far the most beautiful cd i've heard since the first TBM cd came out...... that and once more TBM IS COMING TO AMERICA!!!!! NOT JUST AMERICA TO VA!!!! thats like the state above ours!!! yay!!! they'll be there sept. 26, im counting down the days, imma soooo be there......
well my school fucked my schedule all to hell.....but hopefully their fixing that about now......
Alex Labelle is finally back....YAY.....Kim got to see her, hopefully i will tomorrow..iono though....we'll see what happens..........well thats about it, school starts monday ( a mixture of good and bad) i miss tim, cpcc started wednesday so i havent heard from him in a few days.......but ill be ok, he call me when he can..... \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:38 PM
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Well yep im back....I had such a great time.... yep well we left friday morning about 7:30 and we went to bojangles, and then we headed for the beach....yep we got there and shopped and i got a new skirt, and then we went out on the beach, then to the pool, then to the hot tubs, then to dinner, then shopping again....then we played cards when we got back to the hotel room and i got out in like the first 3 min, and a 30 min game of war, lol...my step brother is a sexy bitch, btw, hahahahaha god........**drool**.....hahaha anyways....yep and then on saturday we got up had more bojangles went to the beach, then to the hot tubs, then to dinner which kinda sucked, then we took a walk on the beach, then we slept, and came home today....yep so much hotness at the beach....i musta been looking pretty damn good too - i was getting some looks.....hard to believe i know, lol.......yep yep then this evening Will came over and hung out with me and kimba, and we went around and killed a few cigs and then we had mcdonalds, and kimmie left, and me and will talked until like 11:00, it was cool.........yep so this was definately a good weekend.....i had soo much fun - WOO HOO \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:36 PM
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Well i didnt write last night because o had a bad day, once again my stuff didnt come, of course it didnt come today either, but thats ok...... I spent most of last night downloading shit for my sims game..... that was interesting.... and today i downloaded Limewire....its so much better than IMesh.....now i have 3 songs off of violet.....i wanna be able to take the songs with me, but i didnt get the cd yet...so im left to downloading them.....i still need 6 tracks though, but my limewire has the songs on there and as soon as a source signs on it'll download.....so if i keep it on all day and night, until i leave tomorrow i think i'll get the songs i need - hopefully..... I talked Tim today....we talked for an hour, thats the longest convo we've had since he got sent to his dad's house.....hmmm....well i have to say our political views are extremely different- he hates liberals, and i am one, lol, i hate the government, he works for the military....hmmm sounds like a match made in diplomatic hell but....everyday i start to miss him more....and everyday i begin to open myself back up to him....its taking time...he hurt me so badly before....but i truely think he loves me now......but how can i be sosure??? well me and kim leave tomorrow for myrtle beach - WOO HOO!! we're can have so much fun, im so excited......YAY......well that means i wont be writing tomorrow or saturday......but ill write sunday...well until then - I'll miss everyone......i love you all and have a good weekend \(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:35 PM
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Yep well today didnt go the way i planned......i ended up staying online until like 9 am and going to sleep at about 10. But i did manage to get 3 songs by TBM that arent on their cds, so now once i get Violet ep, i only have to find 2 more songs and ill have any song by them ever - YAY...... yep well my cd didnt come today neither did my schedule......I did talk to Tim, but for like 5-10 mins he said he'd call me back ......but he never did......hmmm......for the first time in a while i found a video game hard to the point i gave up so....i wasnt to happy.....then my sister called on speaker phone from her friend Jenny's house and i hate that entire family so when i was on the phone i was like " screw Jenny, she can stick the phone up her big fat butt" and most of the family heard, oh well i dont particularly give a flying fuck - I DONT CARE!!!! anyways......well hopefully my cd and schedule will come tomorrow.....i also got to go get some supplies for the beach ( blank cds, batteries, camera) yep yep - just a few more days until my longly needed vacation....thank (place respective deity here)
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:25 PM
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Well last night i had a dream that **DREAM SEQUENCE STARTS...**Tim came and picked me up to go have dinner with his parents. and we had a fight on the way there and like they thought i was cute, but i ate in another room and kim was there and then i went back into the kitchen and like me and Tim started fighting some more and then his sprite had stuff in it and i got nausiated and i went into the bathroom and began to spew....then i felt a urge.....it was diarrehea..AHHHH!!! and the light wouldnt turn on so i was about to poop in my pants in the dark....when i woke up...**DREAM SEQUENCE ENDED** yep Tim was supposed to call me yesterday.....and now its almost been 2 days......i dont know whats wrong but something is i can feel it....... anways on a different note....KIM CAME OVER YAY!!!!! i was so glad....i hadnt seen her in soooo long....i was suffering from serious Kimba withdraw.....but im better now...lol......hopefully Alex will come home tomorrow then they can come over and i can spend time with both of them.......they are so much fun.....i wuv them......anyways......just a few more days til we leave for the beach.......and my schedule will be coming soon as will my TBM cd......so much to look foward to...
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:20 PM
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Well yep the weekend all and all wasnt as bad as it could have been, my dad was acting liek himself and not that anal biotch he has been for a while which was cool we stayed in Charlotte at a hotel instead of going to Fayetteville which was cool too........
Well i also for some reason or another Grace my church with my presence...... dont ask me why i went because I'm not all too sure.....but i just felt a need to go...... either way i saw Tim's mom there.....she hugged me....i WANTED TO SCREAM!!!! what is it with these mothers who think they need to touch me??? atleast Mikes mom never did anything to me that i didnt like.....Tims mom just our right does and syas things that make me wanna rip her head off......and yet she thinks she needs to touch me???? anyways..... on a different note....
Cartoon network is holding a contest to find three girls to model as the powerpuff girls........i'm entering as buttercup.......i have the right hair , the right attitude, and green eyes - Im definately gonna get this, lol......well iono i probably wont but i can hope right????
well Kim comes home today YAY cuz i've missed her soooooooooooo much...... well maybe this week will be better than last week.....yeh right.....
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:12 PM
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Well yep im just sitting here drawing in my lyrics book, cuz i spend most of my time doing that and i figured i'd write my blog now since i wont be able to get online all weekend.... My dad's coming here to visit so my mom is making me spend time with him so that maybe our relationship will mend or something stupid like that.....i love my mom and her hearts in the right place.....but her brain is not.....well yep i heard a few new songs off of violet and they rock......this cd is gonna be even better than nothing and nowhere........well if you are looking for a cd to by i suggest violet its sooooo great - you can get it at nothingandnowhere.com - you won't regret it..........yep yep anyways ill miss all you people over the next few days.......but ill get on sunday night....so until then have a good weekend all - and eavan says bye too...\(^_^)/~~~
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:00 PM
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well as of today - TIM SUCKS MONKEY ASS THROUGH HIS MOTHERFUCKING CEMETARY NYMPHO BULLSHIT SPEAKING MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As everyone who knows me at all knows - The birthday Massacre is my favorite band........i have a tbm phone, tbm sheets, a tbm wall hanging thing......, and also they know that Chibi is my Hero.....she's everything i would ever want to be...... Now with this in mind the new tbm cd went on presale a few months ago.....but tmb being the underground band they are.....you can only buy it on their website.......and my mom wouldnt let me use her credit card until it went on sale for real because she didnt want to use her new card right yet.........Tim on the other hand did........and after we had a long fight yesterday he calls this morning i was spewing chunks and it was just horrible and yet in spite of this he called back this evening and was like " he guess what i got the tbm cd today.... and guess what came with it a written note from Chibi, it has stickers on it and everything......well i just called to rub that in ur face....I love you honey....bye" I NEARLY DIED!!!!!!!!!! Im mean i ordered my copy today and i mean they have a kinda small fan base so every one could come with that....especially since the cd's are distributes by the band itself and are limited.........but i have a bad feeling only ones bought under the presale come with it.......... then to make matters worse........he called while i was at dinner and left a voicemail on my cell phone that said "hey its me im listening to violet its the best cd i've ever heard...its so beautiful.....listen to this ** he holds the phone to his speaker for like 1 sec** well thats enough you should really get this cd.....oh wait ur wont come with a note will it? oh darn....well i just called to rub it in ur face again...love you bye" AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE HIM!!!! what does he need with that note anyways?????? i like TBM more than him and she's MY hero NOT HIS........UGH!!!!! If he did love me as much as he says he'd give it to me.....it would mean so much to me......and he is always saying he needs a way to prove it......iono.....i just hate the fact he rubbed it in my face.....TWICE.......oh well............so im sick....Noteless.....CD-less......on my period.....and im bored and lonely.......and above every thing else while i was eating my dinner tonight My ex Mike's mom came up to me to give me a hug and tell me she missed me i wanted to shoot her in the face, for it is she who spawned that evil child and i dont like being touch by people who annoy me - LIFE IS FUCKED!!!!
The Queen of Wonderland died at
10:11 PM
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Well last night at about 2:30 in the morning my power went out.....Im afraid of the dark....not so much fun......I was like on the toilet peeing and the lights went out. i was like holy poop, i like finished up and ran into my moms room and made her scoot over and i crawled in with her....in about a half hour everyone was up and we were all downstairs shooting the bull and just talking........i hate the dark......i went the bed at about 7 once it was light out.......then i got up at 4... i road the exercise bike for like 45 min. - im going to the beach so i gotsta look good, hehe, yep i just wanna lose like 5-10 lbs and that shouldnt be too hard...yep yep......that was my day, lol, not alot i know......but im sure my readers are used to that by now.....
The Queen of Wonderland died at
7:27 PM
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Well i havent written in here in a while.....I'VE BEEN SOOOO BORED......i havent done anything interesting so i didnt feel like wasting space but i figure that enough days have gone by that i can talk and it look like an actual entry...... Well Kim left saturday morning.....and i got new bed covers and sheets.........my sheets are my fav color purple and my comforter in black.....thats soo my kinda bed....alot better than the blue and yellow flowers that ive had since i was like 8.......and i clean my room for the first time since i moved here.....i mean i cleaned everything - i even vaccumed.......then i wood burned a thing to hang on my wall.....it says the birthday massacrea and has the bunnies its pretty tight....... i didnt do anything today.....it was pretty much wasted.......................... on a differnt note im tired of everything being about sex...... me being a virgin maybe i dont under stand but i think its dumb......Anthony thinks about nothing else and Tim had sex in a cemetary and has had oral sex in a movie theatre.......and my ex cheated on me all the time cuz i wouldnt have sex with him......WHAT'S WITH ALL THAT!!! iono......but ti bothers me.....right about now im lonely and bored......im sitting here waiting for someone to show up and be like BAM! and everything would be perfect...thatd be nice......
The Queen of Wonderland died at
7:00 PM
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Well today I didnt get up until 5:30 in the evening so i didnt do much.....my mom got home at 6 and we had ocharlies and then Kimba stopped by to borrow a book so her mom could read it while they are on vacation.....yeh she leaves in a little while......im gonna miss her alot thats for sure........then me and my family played trivial pursuit for like 4 1/2 hours hahaha...i won.....well yep on a different note all together i found out that Mims was at Daniel's house last night and that he was like all over Z so the way im lookin at it is....he must not like me he just wants a gf.....oh well w/e he can like kiss my ass then...........oh well anyways i was thinking about the Tim thing today and i dont really like the united states let alone the government and the military....and now hes like working for and being one of them and like moving to japan .....so duh its not gonna work..........oh well....... im so tired of being alone though.............sure i talk about all these guys.....but im not with any of them.......i just wish i could meet a guy that i connect with, that i was attracted to, that respected me, that was attracted to me, that is funny , and smart, and loving, and caring, and all round cool.............well hopefully this dream guy will show up and let me love him and treat the way i should be.....
The Queen of Wonderland died at
1:22 AM
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well yesterday i didnt do much of anything.......i slept until pretty late in the afternoon and then i played kingdom hearts.....i know i seem to do nothing but eat, sleep, and play kingdom hearts..........but......thats really all i do hahahah.... so yeh anyways i was trying to get the ultima and the secret ending - never did that before.......anyways today i was supposed to get up at 10am to get done so that id be ready at 1pm when kimba, mims, and ross all came over......i ended up sleeping til 12:17....oops.....but i was ready in time....YAY for me......yep we hung out all day chilled and watched tv.........and thats about it......kim leaves saturday to go to florida for a week....imma miss her......oh well.....on the 6th shes coming with me to the beach and we're gonna have a great time - YAY......
The Queen of Wonderland died at
8:05 PM
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Well saturday me and kim were home alone all day....but Ross and Mims stopped by and hung out until they went to the concert, then we played on my comp for a while then we decided to play kingdom hearts some more.....little did we know how long we would play it.......we started playing at like 7:45....and played until 8 oclock in the morning....then we feel asleep woke up around 1 and ate a bunch of food from bojangles then went back to sleep until like 3-5 iono really.....then we played so more Kingdom hearts until Kim left at like 10:45.......so....i've had an interesting few days.....if anybody tells me that sound boring and a waste of a weekend - fuck them......cuz it was great........I WUV MY KIMBA!!!
The Queen of Wonderland died at
5:27 PM
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Well yep, iono what i wrote in here yesterday, hahaha, so I'll just start lol......
Last night i got off the internet and talked to Kimba and then i talked to mims....
i was up all night...lol...catergorizing by mp3s hahahaha - oh feel the fun
anyways my sister made me breakfast of an omelet and toast...mmm... it was good.....
then i played kingdom hearts......althroughout i got phone calls from mims and tim, and then tonight Jeremy called....
We talked for ever....as a matter of fact we're still talking hahahah and its been like 6 hrs so far.....its been funny.....i love talking to him....i think hes having a good time listening to me and kim goof off and shit.....
my moms friend was over tonight too and brought her chitlins and a game and they all played this word game that made them sound really fucking dumb hahaha....
and me and kim were online earlier watching funny flash movies... and there was this one about the smurfs...hahaha....and like most of it is The girl smurf going " Papa smurf can i lick your ass?" and papa smurf goes " yeh lick my ass bitch!" hahahahahhaha
yep well.....thats about it... hahahahaha.......me and kim still talking to Jeremy....hahahaha....goofing off........my sister says i wanna tap that ass...hahahahahahaahaha......iono...lol...oh well
The Queen of Wonderland died at
12:57 AM
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Well last night i went home and ate some pizza. then i got online....
I talked to Jeremy again today it was cool.......apparently savannahs got him lock, lol, he's not supposed to drink or talk to me hahahahah, all i know is that if he were still with me, i wouldnt set up horrible rules like that, i would let him do what he wanted - i would want him happy - which is why if this is what he wants, being with her im gonna atleast pretend i'm all for it, cuz i want him happy damnit.........
well yep Mims like told me he loves me, lol, i doubt he really does though, probably just infatuation, iono though......
today i woke up at like 4 in the afternoon and played kingdom hearts....
then at about 7 my family decided to go to Ruby tuesdays....
i ordered an appetizer cuz i wasnt hungry, i wanted cheese fries.....well the cheese wasnt melted so it was all shredded still and the fries were too salty........and for those who know me they know my voice is load and carries....and apparently i was annoying the people behind us so they left, i said OH WELL, lol but then my stepdad got all pissy with me and told me im disrespectful and that i needed to be quiet cuz im disturbing other ppl's dinner, and i was all like SOOO I DONT KNOW THEM!!! lol and then i told i joke that was kinda bad and laughed like a maniac and then he got all pissed and said he wasnt coming to the beach and then he yelled at me some more so i yelled some more grabbed the keys to the durango and went out side and listened to music, lol...then i came home, played kingdom hearts some more, called Kimba, then downloaded some music......all and all a couple of days i would have rather slept through........
The Queen of Wonderland died at
11:31 PM
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